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Vacation after a divorceWhen contemplating divorce there are a million thoughts that run through your mind on a daily basis.    These thoughts may include your relationship with your spouse, the realization that the dreams you two had planned together may never happen and if you have children, concerns for their emotional well-being and how to parent effectively in separate homes.

In addition to all of the continual thoughts when contemplating or facing divorce is how to have the means to stay in control of your family situation, especially if you have children.  Since the children will more than likely spend time with both parents after divorce, how to obtain reassurance of their safety and continued communication may be at the top of your priority list of concerns to include in your divorce proposal and parenting plan.  Safety and communication with the children may become even more of an issue when one parent begins planning a vacation with the children and realization that this vacation no longer includes you.  A million questions begin churning through your mind such as where is the vacation destination, what lodging arrangements have been made, how long will the children be away, what will be the means of communication with the children and the questions seem to multiply as the vacation date draws near.  Family vacations are often a realization that the family unit has changed and even more so when another person accompanies your ex-spouse and children to what was once your favorite family vacation destination.  What once was a time of the year that was anticipated for fun, relaxation and family time now becomes a time of questions and anxiety. 

When divorcing there are many decisions that must be made and considering the ex-spouse’s future vacations is not usually high on the priority list.  After the divorce is finalized and individuals begin living with the decisions or lack of decisions which were made or not made, many realize just how important vacations and the important details and plans surrounding them are.  Unless there is prior agreement before the final divorce decree that vacation itineraries are to be shared, there just may be several times a year that frustration due to lack of post - divorce planning and stress from not knowing where the children are may become an unpleasant reality.   Incorporating that each spouse must supply vacation itineraries to each other in your divorce decree may help reduce anxieties surrounding your children’s vacations with the other parent and may help to reduce the opportunity for manipulation from each spouse surrounding the children. 


When completing your divorce proposal, consider what necessary vacation information you would like to have when you are waving good-bye to the children as they drive away with their other parent.  A few thoughts to consider are:  the name, address and phone number of the hotel/destination, the dates for the vacation, and a designated telephone/communication time as this will ensure that you are not interrupting a planned event which becomes an expected call for all involved.  When considering what you expect from your ex-spouse concerning cooperation of informing you of vacation facts, remember that you too must be willing to do the same.  It takes time for all involved to adjust to the fact that vacation will occur with each parent separately now that separation or divorce has occurred.  Children may benefit from knowing that each parent approves of having fun with their other parent while vacationing.  Allowing the children time to share details of their day and what other events are planned will ensure a sense of approval for the children and security for the other parent.   Parents must realize that this is not a time to be selfish while the children are enjoying time with their other parent or strategizing their next family vacation to be bigger and better than what the other parent has provided. 

Divorce brings about many changes which will affect not only the present but also the future.  Divorce Tool Box understands attempting to consider so many details at once can seem almost impossible and can bring about even more stress requiring the need of professional support.  Visit us at www.divorcetoolbox.com for information of how we can help you plan effectively to meet the needs of your family as it changes now and well into the future. 



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