Communication does not seem to be a factor when couples fall in love. There are many calls to say those three words…I Love You, special cards in the mail to express how each partner is feeling about the relationship and even tokens of love have written expressions of the tender feelings developing in the relationship.
Communication is the key for allowing another person to become informed and to discuss matters of utmost importance. During divorce, couples may find that it is easy to talk and work matters out through communicating with each other while others rely on their paid legal professional to conduct the necessary communication for them.
Since many parents lack communication skills and decisions must be made when children are involved, paid professionals often convey messages between couples in order to help make decisions that are needed to finalize the divorce. When the divorce is completed, the professionals are now “out of sight” and it is up to the parents to communicate for the sake of the family.
Parents of divorce should learn to communicate effectively in order to address the children’s needs. These needs may consist of schedules for football, dental appointments, special events at school, etc. Communication of each parent is needed as both parents need to be aware in a timely manner of events that involve the children.
Non-Verbal communication may be used by a parent. This non-verbal communication maybe used as a control tactic. One example is a parent needs to know if the other parent received the message that there is a schedule conflict and needs a timely response in order to make necessary changes for the child’s immediate plans. The non-verbal response of the other parent may reveal unwillingness of complying or trying to work with the other parent, but in essence, the children are at the root of the equation. Non-verbal communication is a “petty” response by divorced parents when the interest of the child is at stake.
Using children to relay messages to the other parent or making arrangements without the other parent’s knowledge shows lack of effective communication. Children should not be forced to be a messenger for parents as they are often the one who hears the emotions displayed by the other parent when the messages are delivered.
Communication is necessary where there is custody involved with children in divorce. Deciding the best communication strategy, frequency of communication and desirable time of communication is often decided through trial and error. When couples have great difficulty in communicating and working together for the welfare of their children, a parenting coordinator may be beneficial to teach responsibility to each parent for their actions.
When deciding custody in divorce, make sure to think about communication that must continue with the other parent and how to make it effective.
Divorce Tool Box understands that communication can be difficult. Allow our expertise to help you develop a communication plan that will best fit your family’s needs and stay focused on the children. We understand how important it is to make as many informed decisions as possible before entering the legal arena. Visit us @ www.divorcetoolbox.com to begin working toward your future.